My Obstacle Course: Engage, Encourage and Empower

A fun, structured, systematic way to work on your child's strengths and weaknesses at home!

Social Skills

How Do They Feel?

My Obstacle Course Activity Idea: How Do They Feel? Sorting Station

This is a station activity I used with Andrew to work on recognizing how other people might be feeling during certain situations. This is a very easy station to make and only takes a short amount of time to write the situations, especially if you think about things and people who are relevant to your child. I used calendar cutouts to write the scenarios on and the mailboxes for sorting but you can use whatever you have available to you (Post-It Notes, index cards, cut up strips of paper, etc.).

My Obstacle Course Station Activity: How Do They Feel? Sorting

I chose 2 feelings (some examples could be happy, excited, sad, disappointed, etc.) and then wrote short situations that go with those feelings on the cutouts (Jack was going to see his Grandma.  Sally’s DVD player broke.). When he got to this station, we read the feeling cards in front of each mailbox and showed what our faces would look like when feeling that way. You could also add basic smiley face type expressions on the cutouts to help. We received some “Feelings” stamps for Christmas this year that would be perfect for something like this. I’ll share a post on those soon!

The "feelings" for this station were "Excited" and "Grumpy." The first card we flipped showed "John's mom bought his favorite food. I asked, "How do you think he feels?"

He then chose a cutout, we read the scenario, he decided how that person might feel and placed it into the corresponding mailbox.

The first card was placed into the "Excited" mailbox because he decided that John would be excited to have his favorite food. We continued with the next card which showed "Matt broke one of his favorite Leapster games." How do you think he feels about this?

Continue going through the situation cards and talk through how that person might feel and how we would feel if it were us.

The second card was placed in the Grumpy mailbox.

Helping To Make A Connection Between Him and Other People

By doing this, I am trying to have him think about things that are important to him and situations that may have led to him feeling a certain way and showing him that other people feel the same way. For the “Grumpy” cards we discussed what each person could do improve the situation in order to feel better and when talking about the “Excited” cards, I asked him things like, “What would  your favorite food be?” and “What trips do you get excited to go on?”

Another situation card: Pat is going on a trip. Is he excited or grumpy? That depends!!

This was a great way for me to see if he was understanding how feelings are connected to situations. It allowed me to work with him on expanding his ability to “read” situations that don’t directly involve him but also recognize that other people have feelings just like him.

Engage, Encourage and Empower!

Recognizing Silly Things

Andrew has been getting the High Five magazine (the Highlights magazine’s version for younger children) for a few years now and he always had his favorite section that he’d flip to right away – Hidden Pictures. One day I was looking at it with him and we came across the “That’s Silly!” section and I began asking him what kinds of things were there that were silly. He only pointed to maybe one or two things and I was surprised. I pointed to something that was definitely not real and asked him if that was silly and he said, “No.” Was he looking at this picture as though everything in it made sense? Did he understand what “silly” meant? All sorts of questions ran through my mind and I needed to find out more about this!

Hmmm…perhaps this was another concept that I would have to be a bit more direct with and got an idea for how to do this. I got on my computer while looking at the “That’s Silly!” page and wrote a list of things for him to find.

High Five magazine's That's Silly with silly things listed out

I used this as a My Obstacle Course station activity and we would read the silly things for him to find, he would scan the picture to find it and we would say, “That’s Silly!” I would be able to see if he could find and recognize it within the picture. He didn’t need to be able to speak to show he knew this because he could point to it. We would then talk about why it was silly and didn’t belong. Once I got going, I also realized that by doing it in this way I was also helping to build language skills and vocabulary through my detailed descriptions.

Andrew looking for silly things

It was an absolute hit with him and this soon became a favorite activity. One day, when the new issue came, he flipped to the “That’s Silly!” page and yelled out, “A squirrel eating an ice cream cone?!?  That’s silly!”

My Obstacle Course station activity: Finding silly things.

Why is this a big deal?

It is building reasoning skills so that he is able to distinguish things that are real and things that are not possible in the real world (non-fiction vs. fiction). Some things belong in certain situations or scenarios and some things do not. They can be combined to create funny stories and to act things out but I wanted him to know the difference. I was hoping that by providing him with some structure initially, telling him something he may have been thinking all along but just didn’t understand (for all I know he was sitting there thinking, “Hmmm…a mouse waiting in line at the Post Office.  Seems a bit odd but it is drawn on this picture so it must be true.”), that he would begin to recognize things that were out of place and be able to talk about why they didn’t fit.  These are just some basic skills that some children learn naturally and other children need them more spelled out. With Andrew, things need to be direct, not implied, and in this case “silly things” noted so he could begin to understand and process the rules the way his brain works.

It’s times and skills like this that remind me that building certain skills sometimes looks a bit different in our house but what matters is to start with the basics, be explicit with what the expectations are and what we are looking for, provide examples and opportunities to practice, sometimes more than typically developing peers, and that is ok!  What matters is that he learns the same things as everyone else, just at his own pace.

Engage, Encourage and Empower

Annie the Bear

Social Skill Building:  Thinking Beyond One’s Own Needs

One of the things that we are continually working on with Andrew is his social skills.  He is gifted at being able to get everyone around him to meet his wants and needs, even when his speech was limited to “uh uh uhs.”  He is an only child and because we didn’t know what he could or couldn’t do due to his delays, we initially did a lot for him.  Then we hit a point where we realized he could do a lot more but quite enjoyed having others doing things for him while he got to do what he wanted.  Smart child!  (I secretly think he’ll make an excellent business executive someday – he knows what he wants, he’s great at delegating, he checks up to make sure things are getting done the way he wants, and he reaps the rewards of everyone’s hard work.)

You Have To Know What To Do Before You Know What To Do

We learned our lesson but also realized that there were things that he needed to be taught so he would know how to do them. I am a firm believer that you cannot expect someone to know how to do something when they don’t know how to do it.  I found that this is also true when it comes to empathizing with and helping others with their wants and needs.  While this might come easily and naturally to some children, it didn’t for him.  Don’t get me wrong, he is a sweet, happy, loving boy, it just didn’t really occur to him that he should help us or others out.  We all seemed quite capable of doing it ourselves :).  I needed a way to teach him this in a very deliberate and direct way without having or needing another person here.

Using What I Already Have

One day, while straightening his room, I put a stuffed animal back on a shelf for the millionth time, and then it hit me!  I had been focused on building other developmental and academic skills using things I already have and I could do the same to help build the social skills he needs!!  It was then that I decided to introduce Annie, a teddy bear I had gotten as a baby shower gift.  I would use her in a My Obstacle Course station activity to help teach him about how to help others.

Annie the Bear

There were many benefits of working on social skills using an inanimate object.  I didn’t have to worry about the social skills between two children, him getting overwhelmed by another child’s social expectations or pre-coaching the other child about why we were doing this when it may seem obvious to them. I could model language and actions in a strategic way while within a familiar and safe environment for him.  This is particularly important for him because he pays attention to and notices everything around him to an amazing degree.  He picks up on the energy and perceptions that other children have and is quite aware when someone is insulting or making fun of him.  This was something I wanted to be able to work on without having to add those issues to his plate.

Another benefit was that he would also be able to do things like put on a band-aid or help her brush her teeth without someone squirming (not that friends brush each others teeth but we struggle with getting him to brush his teeth so I wanted him to work on that skill from a different perspective.).  Annie would be perfect for this!

I grabbed Annie and went hunting for some common items that could be useful when helping someone.

My Obstacle Course station activity: Annie the Bear needs your help!

Just some of the items I have used:

  • tissue
  • toothbrush
  • straw
  • spoon
  • band-aid
  • crayon
  • crackers

I wrote and printed out some basic scenarios that Annie could have happen to her.

Some of Annie the Bear's scenario cards

Here are some sample scenarios:

  • Annie fell down on the playground.  Her knee is bleeding.  What does she need?
  • Annie finished her breakfast and now she needs to brush her teeth.  What does she need?
  • Annie has applesauce in her lunch.  What does she need to help her eat it?
  • Annie just sneezed!  She needs something to wipe her nose with.  What can she use?
  • Annie wants to drink her juice but she doesn’t like to drink from the cup.  What tool can she use?

When he got to the station, he would have to read or listen to the scenario and find the item in the bag that could help her.  Here are some questions that I would ask him:

  • What happened to Annie?
  • What does she need?
  • Can you help her?

When doing this station with him, I was modeling pretend play by treating Annie as though she were a real child sitting there with us.  I talked to Annie, modeling for him how to ask her things like, “Are you okay?” or “How can I help you?”

Turtle Steps

At first it may seem kind of funny (although if you’re in a situation like I was with a non-verbal child, I had already spent years talking out loud to myself so it didn’t really faze me!) and he did look at me like “You do know it’s not real?” but pretty soon he was doing it as well.  Building these basic social skills did not come over one session but in the 3 years we’ve been doing this, I have really seen them evolve in him.  Through the use of Annie the Bear, as well as other inanimate friends, and creating different scenarios that were occurring in his life, I think this has made a huge difference.  It gives him the language to use during a situation that is familiar and he gets to practice without pressure to get it right the first time.

Some friends to help build social skills involving turn taking.
Here is an alternative to stuffed bears. Â It doesn't matter what kind of toy you use, see what you have and work with that!

Where at one point in time I could not have imagined him pretend playing with his toys, I have gone looking for him only to find him in his room reenacting scenes from school and home, caring for and nurturing his toys as “real life” people.

Perhaps taking it a bit far implying that Harvey needs a brain. 🙂

This has also moved beyond toys to him commenting on other people’s feelings and needs.  Just the other day, I hit my shin and said, “Ouch!”  He ran over and said, “Mommy needs a band-aid.”  He ran off and yelled for me to come help him because the band-aids were on the top shelf.  It’s the thought that counts here and he was thinking it!

Engage, Encourage and Empower